There are moments in which a state of bliss fills up in your body. Ideas grow out of your ears like a little plant. You see everything in perfection. There is no future, the past is just so comfortable in that moment, the present is a floating cloud. Your senses sharpen, you can hear 'Across the Universe' (Beatles or Fiona versions) or 'Uninvited' (Alanis Morissette) and you feel this orgasm of joy and pleasure, a dizzy yet in control feeling, it's amazing. Then you realize you are high.
Happiness is a warm gun, such a warm one, it's too hot. I dropped happiness a millisecond after I had it in my hands. I can't recall a moment of complete happiness, (I can't be unfair, I've had a nice life, my parents are awesome, my friends they are so nice) but I just can't stop getting worried about the future, even about being too happy worries me, this sounds fatalistic as I write. It's just this need I have of over analyzing meticulously every aspect of my life, every experience, every word, every feeling. I'm an artist and a scientific, can't take it out of my essence.
This few months I actually have felt completely happy. I met this girl, randomly, and yeah we clicked. I wasn't looking for someone, but I'm glad she's around. So these days I've felt cool but now college starts again and stress comes back blah blah blah. I'm studying Pre Med and I get so stressed out that I haven't finished the bachelor's degree and I then have to study like 8 more years until I become what I yearn to be: a head shrink, a psychiatrist, a psychoanalyst, whatever the fuck you want to call it.
I sound emo, maybe it's the period. Yep.
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